Sixty is just the beginning Or so I keep telling myself, contd

     I was reading Amber's post "I can Heal My Life, at http://believingsoul.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-can-heal-my-life.html . I understood her, because turning sixty is my year of " can't wait to turn over into a new year".  One day I'm fifty-nine, doing fine physically, financially and emotionally then sixty and my health falls apart (had to have a total knee replacement), due to our sales dropping off at work, I'm making $800 a month less and  I realize I'm not financially ready to retire , then I start thinking about how few years I may have left which spirals me into a low!  It is so difficult to function on two levels, that of pretending the world is fine, no problems, smile, go to work and then the hidden level.  The level of just wanting curl up in bed, sleep, watch TV, not really watching, it's more staring, seeing figures on the screen, but not really aware of what they're doing or whats going on.  Just stay at home and not participate in the world.  Let one day slide into another. What an existence!
     Thankfully, I have had several saving graces to turn me around, one is doing the physical therapy from the knee replacement, I've continued on with doing exercise which helps with the stress and I've lost thirty-eight pounds.  Spiritually and financially are intertwined, I've always known God is there, but I try to control my life.When growing up we were very poor, I think I'm afraid of being in the same situation that I've tried to control every aspect of my life, therefore placing perimeters on God. One area I'm working on is tithing, how much and when .  It's hard to not have every cent accounted for, that is to say, I know I have this bill to pay, so I'll have to pay it on this date, it will be there.  The insight I have about this is like a marriage, (I was only married three months so I don't really have this experience, also, I realize all marriages aren't this perfect, I digress, this is another story), where your husband is the sole means of finances, he pays the bills, he keeps up with the bank account.  You rely upon the fact that when you go grocery shopping, the money will be there or if you need to go to the dentist, the money will be there.  You don't question this.  You just know it will be so.  This has been so hard for me! This area is a real test of my faith and spiritual growth.

     Emotionally, I have my daughter, Jennifer, my granddaughter Shelby, my grandson Sean, my sister Susan, my Mom and my nieces-in-law Laura and Britt to thank.  Jennifer is there to listen, Shelby and Sean came to visit me a week in June.  When there is a ten year old and a seven year old around, I didn't have too much time to think about me.  This was the first time I just had them, usually their mom also came.  We did so much and had so much fun enjoying each others company that the week went by so fast, I couldn't believe how fast!

     Britt & Jeffrey


Brian, Lily, David & Jeffrey

     My niece-in-law Britt is such a joy.  She has the best sense of fun.  We email back and forth.  She sends me the best emails.  I'm paraphrasing the following statement , because I know I won't get the correct words or exact happening, but it makes me laugh.  Britt has this bubbly personality, when she first met her future brother-in-law, Brian (who has such a dry sense of humor, plus being 6' 7" inches tall), she ran across the room, grabbed him around the neck, gushing out words.  He wrapped his arms around her (like the gentle giant he is) and starts poking her on the back, like he trying to find a button or switch,  saying, "How do you turn her off?" I can just visualize the tall man and this petite woman, what a scene!

Laura &  Lily

     My niece-in-law Laura introduced me to the prize though, blogging!  She has a blog, http://thealabamaharpers.blogspot.com/, Corporate Law, Mommy and Rocket Scientist, the family story of three.  This is about their life with their beautiful one year old daughter, Lily. Laura was a corporate lawyer, though now she's a stay at home mom.  David is the rocket scientist.  When he was a small child, he built rockets out of the tubes from paper towels or toilet paper, cotton balls and glue.  It was not usual to be at their house and find paper towels with centers resting on itself.  Needless to say, it's awesome to see a child grow up and work in the field of his childhood dreams.  Blogging has been a life savor. I wanted to be a writer as a teenager, along with being a heart surgeon, needless to say, I'm not a heart surgeon, but I always had it in the back of my mind I would be an author some day.  Once I started blogging, it's like a dam has burst and I've so much to say that I can't stop writing.  Blogging has been my solstice, the respite from sitting in front of the TV letting each day slide by. The practice of making time and stringing words together.
     I have Elizabeth Harper to thank for her Tuesday Morning writing blog, http://tellmeastorytuesdays.wordpress.com/2009/09/08/tell-me-something-new-writing-topics-seventh-tuesday//  for providing a place to share our fictional writings.  She posts pictures with captions, we then choose a picture, then create a story.
     While I still have the same situations, they've become manageable.  I don't know what's going to happen, but rather than fearing the outcome of my future, I know I will survive, mainly due to God and people I love, and who love me.  Fear is still a part of my life, but I can squelch it down and reason it out.  Because I'm sure turning sixty-one isn't going to solve my problems, though it will help remove the stigma of being sixty.