Monday, July 30, 2012

What is Post Traumatic Stress?

USAF 1967 Lackland AFB

Car Jacking 12/01/09

     Over the last couple of months, I've had occasion to run across the subject of post traumatic stress.  For years now, my depression and alienating close relationships have escalated till I basically have to make myself get out of the house.  I look forward to Friday evenings when I can stay home and not have to go out. This is affecting relationships with my daughter, sister and sister-in-law. I do surveys for the Knowledge Panel organization.  In January 2012, I think it was, I did one connected to Veterans and post traumatic stress.  Some of the questions were, did I ever see someone die, was I ever in danger of being shot, etc. The answer to both was yes.  In 1968, on the island of Okinawa, our barracks were targeted by a sniper and later on, a B-52 was sabotaged and two men received burns so bad, that after a few days, both died. There were other questions, but from the answers I gave, I was asked to participate in a DNA project.  I sent in a saliva sample, I wish I had asked if I would be updated as to what my sample showed. Anyway that was the first time I ever thought about my military service having to do with my depression and other problems.  Looking back I realized I never suffered from depression growing up. It was only after being discharged from the military. I haven't really dwelt on the subject until I did another survey, again on post traumatic stress, but one of the symptoms stressed on this survey is avoidance, people as well as situations; then numbness where I find it hard to express my feelings.  But this time, another stressful event came to mind, that of being carjacked; it happened on my carport, at my home on December 1, 2009!
     When my sister invited me up for Memorial weekend, I procrastinated in leaving. She wanted me to spend the night. It took everything I had to make myself get in my car and leave my home overnight. It was even a bigger deal in June, when I had to go out of state for my daughter's wedding and be gone three nights and four days. I find that I'm getting the attitude that I don't need anyone, I only have myself to rely on.  So these two events raises several questions. 
     One question is, am I really suffering post traumatic stress and need to do something about it or maybe I should just quit doing these surveys. I wonder how serious this is, am I making a molehill into a mountain?

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