Monday, January 18, 2010

Monday-You Ever Had A Pity Party?

From my daughter's garden 2006

Yesterday, our Sunday School Lesson was a continuation of the book of Ruth. It has reached the point where Boaz is clearing the way for him to marry Ruth.  During that era, if a woman became a widow, one of her kinsmen married her so that he could take care of her, plus have children to keep the line of her husband going.  Did you ever wonder why Naomi didn't try to sell her land right away?  I mean after all, when she first lost her husband and two sons, she lamented that she was empty, she didn't have anything, "Woe is Me!"

The point was brought up today that when something bad happens to us, we have a tendency to focus just on the badness of the situation, not on the good stuff that also is in our lives.  I thought about this and I agree.  I do tend to only think about "Poor Me". It's like I record my "pity me" thoughts and continually pop that tape back in and replay it over and over. I'm sure that this is part of a process, depending on the seriousness of what happened. Though I have seen some people remember events, hurt feelings and anger from 10 to 30 years ago.  In dealing with the focus on our pity party, I think the trick is to after a period of time is to regroup, ask what I'm to learn from what happened and move on.  Otherwise it eats me up on the inside.  I find I waste so much time replaying the tape, creating different scenarios of what if I had done this or that. Even what if I hadn't done this and that.

I think this is what happened to Naomi, she was so focused on what happened to her, that she avoided giving credit for what she had.  But I'm like her in that when it first happens, I want someone to give me reassurances this won't happen again, or that all will be okay.  Unfortunately, it isn't possible to get this assurance, because most likely it will happen again.  Back to the old saying, pick myself up from the fall and get on with life.  Of course, most days I can do this, but occasionally, I'm afraid I do revert back to a pity party of one!


Tesa said...

I am the queen of pity parties so this is great advice. My husband is so laid back he can never understand why I dwell or worry about things. I tell him I try not to but the thoughts just keep popping into my mind automatically - just like the tape you described. It's frustrating. It's good to know this about ourselves though so we can work to change it, even if it seems to take forever.

Judy Harper said...

Tesa-I have to work at it also! I realize I'm a worrier, more so on things that "might" happen but never do. Usually, reality worries, I can let go, funny huh?

Two Normal Moms said...

Wow, great post. That really hit home. I've got a tape I keep replaying and I need to throw that thing away and move on!
I blame my love of writing for replaying and doing the "what ifs" - it's kind of like creative editing! :-)
Thanks for stopping by our blog!

Helen McGinn said...

I think we all do this from time to time; I try to remember how lucky I am but it can be hard at times when things seem bad. Luckily for me, that's not often. I think that as long as you can get over the pity party fairly quickly and move on then we are all allowed a wee wallow to ourselves now and then!

Helen x

Agnes said...

Good point Judy .
I try not to focus on the bad stuff, but... easier said than done, right?

Judy Harper said...

Two Moms-The tape playing is my hardest thing to overcome, but I agree with you, when I'm blogging I don't dwell on my pity party!

Helen-I imagine with three children and a husband, you don't dwell as long! But I do allow myself a day or two over something really bad, but if I don't push myself up and out, I drag myself further down!

Agnes-I admire you for how you have been handling Geoff's illness! I know it must take a lot out of you emotional, especially when you love him as much as you do!

Agnes said...

Thank you Judy.