Sunday, August 1, 2010

WHY DO PEOPLE WITH THE SAME PROBLEMS NOT END UP WITH THE SAME SOLUTIONS OR OUTCOME?

Purple Crocus

I was watching  a movie this afternoon titled "What Will People Say?", staring Cary Grant and Jeanne Crain. There are several subplots, but the one that I'm interested in is the storyline of Jeanne Crain's character who heard Professor Cary Grant speak, he's a psychiatrist, and from what he said, she felt he was the doctor to help with her problem. Her problem is that she thought she had fallen in love, therefore she made love and became pregnant.  She felt alone and unable to tell her father who had suffered a heartattack, making him unable to work, and having never succeeded in anything that would make him money, he had to ask his brother if he could come back and live on their family farm. Her dad was a nice man, but she felt he would fall further down into depression because he wouldn't be able to help and they both knew her uncle would make them pay the piper. Which is why she came to Cary Grant, although she had instantly fallen in love with Cary's character.  Unfortunately, she perceived that Cary couldn't help and in the hallway outside his office, she tried to commit suicide.  He then admitted her to the hospital, and to help her get a good nights sleep, preceded to tell her the pregnancy test was wrong and she really wasn't pregnant. Well, she felt embarrassed and didn't want to face him in the morning, where upon she left the hospital and went back home.  He tracked her down, proposed to her and they were married with her still thinking she wasn't pregnant.  Of course the truth came out, but they were able to talk it through and realize they did love each other and planned a life together.  I know this is a movie, but I also know of people who go through this type of situation and end of with someone and have an idyllic life together.  They become the perfect wife, he becomes a good financial and emotional provider.  They have the usual problems, such as their children's teenage years or how to repair the car or house.  They form bonds with their neighbors, whom they claim as friends for thirty or forty years.  They attend their children's school programs together, the wives become best friends and support each other through the empty nest syndrome. Their ties are forever. Her being pregnant outside marriage turns out fine. No one would ever know.

Then you have a girl from a small town, a trusting soul who thinks that people would never intentionally hurt her, that if he said "he loved her", she believed him.  So naive! So wanting to be loved, to be taken care of in a lifestyle she hadn't known.  A romantic waiting for her prince to ride up on a white horse and rescue her.  Finally, thinking she had found him.  When she first met him, he was wearing a dark three-piece suit, when before this time, the only suits she had ever seen, were those worn by preachers or those lying in a casket, looking so out of place, as in real life they hadn't worn suits, but a wife or mother wanted their "man" to go out in style.

She was awed by his sophistication, or her perception of that term, which was learned from reading Grace Livingston Hill.  The night he proposed was so romantic, it was 10:00 pm on December the 10th.  He told her if it had been on the twelve, he would have proposed at midnight. The whirlwind of love and romance, the devastation of him having to go to Vietnam on Valentine's day. He promised to meet her in April, take her back to the states to meet his mother and family, where they would then be married.  Even before he left he lied to her.  She waited and the only communication she had with him was he returned her photo of herself in her prom dress that she had given him.  His note stated that he was concerned he might lose the picture in Vietnam and she needed to keep it.  She didn't even see a red flag being waved. Needless to say, he never came back, oh he did pass through the base on the way back to the states, but he didn't call her and let her know he was there.  April came and went, and she began to worry, because you see, she was pregnant.  Before it hadn't mattered as she thought they were to be married and spend the rest of their lives together.  She envisioned the look of sheer delight on his face when she told him the good news, that he was to be a father.

Some truths that were learned, three piece suits can cover up a jerk.  Being sophisticated doesn't mean integrity.  Unfortunately, this was learned several years later, because one night while they were still together,  she woke up and heard him talking to her when he thought she was asleep. He was saying, "that he loved her and would always love her and somehow they would be together". So for years she kept waiting for his knock on her door, where she would sling it open and fall into his waiting arms, being kissed lovingly all over her face. It never happened. She never heard from him again. Though she did know that at some point he lived in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

She kept the baby and spent a lifetime of love and caring,  raising the beautiful baby girl. She did consider giving the baby up for adoption, but then the thought of not knowing or being around to see how she turned out was too much, so she kept her and has never regretted a minute.  Unfortunately, another prince on a white  horse never showed up.  There have been times of financial and emotional hardships, no marrying and becoming the perfect wife, with a perfect family and life.  So again, why do people with the same problems not end up with the same solutions or outcome? I wonder what the deciding factor in a person's life determines their paths. How does one get the idyllic path and another a path of hardship? 

4 comments:

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

JUDY!-JUDY!-JUDY!
Howdy.

>> She kept the baby and spent a lifetime of love and caring, raising the beautiful baby girl.

Well, I am very glad that she had the baby! That's the important thing.

It took me a long time to come to this awareness, but I eventually figured out that our lives are really ALL ABOUT LEARNING LESSONS IN LOVE. And I don't mean "romance". And I don't even mean that we are always conscious of the lessons being learned.

I think the experiences and the learning takes place over so many years that we can't always discern what was learned when. But even if it all occurs at such a slow and imperceptible pace, I do believe that later, with hindsight, we will be able to view our personal history and see more clearly what it was we were meant to learn, and hopefully we will be able to say, "Ah-ha! I DID get it! Thank you, God, for giving me that opportunity to learn what You wanted me to learn." Maybe we won't be able to see it all clearly until after we have moved on from this Earth and looked in the "rearview mirror", but I do believe we will understand it all at some point, even if that point is later rather than sooner.

This life is a school and it's all about learning lessons in order to graduate. I am convinced that this living is not necessarily about attaining "happiness". Genuine and lasting happiness (or "joy") will come later, in a more Heavenly realm. But for now, I'm just trying and hoping to get the "it" that I'm supposed to "get".

Like it didn't for the woman in your story, life for me did not turn out the way I had hoped and imagined, but then I haven't settled down yet either. I'm still at school - "the school of hard knocks". But I believe my grades aren't TOO bad; good enough to graduate anyway, I hope.

Again, I'm just glad the woman in your story gave birth to her baby. Maybe making the right decision in a very tough situation was one of the lessons that she was meant to learn. And if so, she got an "A" on THAT report card!

~ Stephen
"As a dog returns to his own vomit,
so a fool repeats his folly."
~ Proverbs 26:11

Judy Harper said...

Thanks, Stephen, you've given me a lot to think about. Because while you learn about love, there's lessons in hurt, anger, bitterness, for all. Why should one person have to learn those, while another doesn't?

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Yeah, I'm afraid that, in one way or another, we're all signed up for the FULL course. I'd rather not have to do the math, and take just the co-ed P.E. class. But we can't have any dessert if we don't eat our vegetables. (Yeah, I know I'm mixing my "course" metaphors, but... well, sue me. You can't get a turnip out of a history book.[:-)

~ D-FensDogg

Stephen Tremp said...

I like Einstein's quote, We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

Stephen Tremp